Backgrounds, planning, and meditations

This bouquet of brilliant backgrounds is most photogenic of the myriad things that have gobbled up the week or so it’s been since I last blogged (still getting the hang of doing so regularly, I must admit!). I’m running a background swap at my ATC group’s retreat at the end of the month, and I’m trying to make sure I have quite a few of my own to swap. I’m not sure how many I’ll be able to part with, I love how most of these came out! That’s the joy of working on a somewhat bigger scale; making an 8.5″ x 11″ sheet of watercolor paper will produce 10 beautiful ATC backgrounds, as well as a few tiny scraps. I’m sure I’ll be able to part with at least a few from each sheet.

Aside from playing with paints, I’ve been very busy planning our retreat; I’m in charge of coordinating the Activity Guide. There’s been a ton of work involved getting descriptions and supply lists written and rewritten, but I am blessedly nearing completion. I’m eager to have it taken care of so that I can put more of my mental cycles to some bigger issues that have been plaguing me.

I’ve been very preoccupied lately with figuring out what my future holds, with – as the blog says – finding my path. I’m living with a lot of pain right now, from so many sources I’m having difficulty sorting it all out. I’m letting go of a business that once held so much promise but in the end just caused me a lot of pain. I’m learning to live with seasonal depression all over again, as a very rainy summer has left me scrambling for new tools. I’m pondering what it means to be on the autistic spectrum, what it means to be an artist, and how a person like that can fit into a society that doesn’t really seem to know how to accept either of those things. I’m struggling to find my identity, to understand my strengths and weaknesses, and how to make peace with it all.